One of the columns that I often read in the local paper is the "Ask Amy" advice column. Do know that I do NOT read it because I get my life's counsel from her. I read it because it gives such a clear indication of where our culture is. This recent article was interesting for a variety of reasons. First, for the stated problem: Fear of having sex. We live in a culture that is bold and brazen about sex. Today's culture is so obsessed with sex to the point that a man isn't considered a man until he has lost his virginity. Times have changed for the females too. It used to be that a girl was considered a "slut" if she was promiscuous. But today a girl is considered an old prude if she isn't excessively flirtatious and at least somewhat promiscuous. Though our society tells us that sex is natural and to be embraced fearlessly & feverishly (like those in the animal kingdom), people should know that anxiety over sex is normal--especially among those who choose to wait until marriage. Two people who are not "experienced," but want to serve his/her beloved in their time of intimacy will no doubt have some frets over it. But the girl's worry over having sex was not the real item that I found most noteworthy. As I said, fears of having sex for the first time are normal and it is something that one would naturally seek out advice on (though most people would ask a parent or pastor, not a national columnist). What caught my attention was the fact that the girl said she was 21. From my perspective it seemed that the girl was saying, "I'm allowed to have sex now because I'm old enough." It is almost as if the drinking age is also considered the permissible sex age. One may even wonder if she thinks she now has a license to love. Now that she has reached this arbitrary legal sex age, can she now have it as often as she wants with whomever she wants? I admire the girl for having the courage and tenacity to hold out so long (most in our time would set the "legal sex age" around the driving age, if not younger). And I'm sure that all who read the column will applaud her abstinence to this point. But I'm afraid she misses the boat completely. The standard for "when one is allowed to have sex" is not determined by age, or any other arbitrary way for that matter. It is determined by one's marriage vows, as the Word of God states. This girl's mistake is one that is made throughout our society. People think they have the personal right to set the limits and guidelines for morality--or as the Bible says "do what is right in their own eyes." But this is not so. The Bible says that there is a time and place for everything, and those parameters are set by God. And when it comes to sex, the way one begins to relieve his/her anxiety over it is to be able to say, "My lover is mine and I am his." Song of Songs 2:16
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This week I've been preparing to preach on the first half of 1 Corinthians 7... you know, the "better to marry than to burn with passion" passage! One thing I love about this passage is its frankness. God not only instituted marriage for the satisfaction of our sexual desires, but he commands us to keep the marriage bed hot! And Paul spares none in making sure we realize this. He commands us to "give [our spouse his/her] conjugal rights." Then he reiterates it and goes so far as to say, "Do not deprive one another." One of the greatest things I heard this week was that one church in the Puritan age put a man under church discipline because he was depriving his wife. That's fantastic! That's the kind of thing that should characterize the church: A people who are passionate about being passionate within marriage! Not long ago Christians had a reputation for being prudish and sex was a taboo topic within the church. Gladly, things are changing. Of course, not all for the better. Today a lot of teaching on sex in the church tends to be a crude, focusing on sex techniques, sex therapists, etc. Nevertheless, most change is for the better, and a sex crazed culture needs solid teaching about proper sexual satisfaction. That is actually a stupid thing to say. What I mean is "A sex crazed culture needs solid application of the Bible's teaching about proper sexual satisfaction." The fornication that is so rampant today would not be so prevalent if we had more of the sweetness of the marital bond. That's why I want to encourage those of you who are married to keep the embers burning in the bedroom. Enjoy it, and be, as the Song of Solomon says, "sick with love." Initiate it, indulge in it, plan for it, play in it, serve in it, talk about it, and (above all) strive to excel in it! I don't just want to emphasize the legitimacy of sexual intercourse between a husband and wife either. I want you to focus on the absolute elation of it! The pagan world does not have the corner on the market when it comes to the exhilaration of sex. God created sex, and he created it to be gratifying. Furthermore, when the Bible talks about proper sexual expression it emphasizes the ecstasy and euphoria of it, to the point where you start to blush (or perhaps better, sweat!). I mentioned the Song of Solomon, but think also of Isaac and Rebbecca. In Gen. 26:8 it says that Isaac was sporting with Rebbecca. Now I don't want you to think that they were playing a game of Yahtzee or going bowling. The language is technically one of rousing sexual intimacy. You might say it was foreplay because it has to do with affectionate caressing. (For those of you who may not understand the technical language: they were making out! If you would like to object to this interpretation, you have to find a better way to explain why Abimelech was so incensed with Isaac regarding his treatment of Rebbecca.) I wanted to cite this line from a recent Generations Radio program on the Puritan View of Sex. One puritan they quote says that our spouse is a "playfellow who has come to make our age merry!" Think of that, a playmate! I might add a word to the ladies here too: This passion is also something that is to characterize you too. I like how the Westminster Larger Catechism cites Proverbs 31:11 as applying to the seventh commandment: "The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain." Their insight into the word of God was great: A husband who is sexually gratified isn't going to be worrying about his wife all the time! What's more is that he is going to thrive in his business affairs because his wife is fulfilling all his desires. Ladies also might want to consider a series like this in your women's discipleship classes, or perhaps regular conversations with those you mentor. Paul did say that the older women were to teach the younger women to "love their husbands." (Titus 2:3-4) We would be downright numb to limit the application of that to fixing meals and keeping the house tiddy. |
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